Discernment Counseling in Northern Virginia
Discernment Counseling is a short-term, structured process—typically one to five sessions—when one spouse is considering divorce and the other hopes to restore the marriage.
Available in person in Haymarket, VA, serving Gainesville, Bristow, Manassas, and Prince William County, and online throughout Virginia.
When One of You Wants to Stay and the Other Is Unsure
One of you may still be holding on to hope and looking for a way back—“leaning in” toward the marriage.
The other may feel exhausted, emotionally checked out, or unsure whether there is enough left to rebuild—“leaning out” of the marriage.
Before working on communication, trust, or intimacy, you may need help answering a more basic question:
Do we try to restore this marriage, move toward divorce, or take more time before deciding?
Discernment Counseling is designed for couples starting from these different places. It gives you an opportunity to slow down, take a breath, understand how your marriage reached this point, and consider what comes next.
I will take seriously the reasons one spouse is considering divorce while also keeping open the possibility that the marriage could be restored. Neither of you will be pressured toward a particular decision.
Unsure How to Move Forward—Together or Apart? Take time to discern.
Discernment Counseling in Haymarket, VA, and online in Virginia.
Clarity About What Comes Next
You do not have to come in with a decision already made.
Discernment Counseling helps you consider three possible paths:
Work on your marriage
Move toward divorce
Take a time-out and decide later
My role is not to convince either of you to stay or leave. It is to help you avoid making this decision only from panic, anger, guilt, pressure, or exhaustion.
Together, we will look at how your marriage reached this point, what has not worked, and how each of you has contributed to the problems. We will also consider what meaningful change would require and whether the problems in your marriage may still be solvable.
The goal is not to repair the marriage during Discernment Counseling. It is to help you gain clarity and confidence about which direction to take.
Both of you will be treated with compassion and respect, wherever you currently stand. The work is not about deciding which of you is to blame.
What Discernment Counseling Looks Like
You attend as a couple, but each session includes time together and individual conversations with me.
Because you are beginning from different places, these individual conversations give each of you room to speak honestly, reflect on your role in the marriage, and consider what you need from the next step.
Understanding your own contributions can be valuable regardless of the path you choose—even if the marriage ultimately ends.
Discernment Counseling is limited to one to five sessions. The first session is two hours, and follow-up sessions are 75 minutes.
You do not have to commit to all five sessions. After each session, you decide whether another would be helpful.
Learn More About Discernment Counseling
In this video, Bill Doherty, founder of Discernment Counseling, explains how it helps couples who are uncertain about the future of their marriage.
Is Discernment Counseling Right for Us?
Discernment Counseling Is a Good Fit If:
One spouse wants to preserve the marriage while the other is considering divorce
The spouse considering divorce has not made a final decision
You are unsure whether regular couples therapy would help
You want to make a thoughtful decision rather than remain stuck or react under pressure
Discernment Counseling Is Not Appropriate If:
One spouse has made a final decision to divorce and is no longer open to reflection
One spouse is pressuring or coercing the other to participate
There is active abuse, coercive control, intimidation, or an ongoing safety risk
If both of you already know that you want to rebuild your relationship, traditional couples therapy will likely be a better fit.
FAQs About Discernment Counseling in Northern Virginia
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Yes. Both spouses need to agree to attend, but they do not need to want the same outcome.
Agreeing to Discernment Counseling does not mean agreeing to stay married or begin couples therapy. It means being willing to slow the decision down, examine what has happened, and consider your options.
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Couples therapy begins with a shared decision to work on the relationship. Discernment Counseling is for couples who have not yet reached that decision.
Instead of immediately trying to repair the marriage, the process helps you determine whether committing to couples therapy makes sense.
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No. That decision belongs to you.
My role is to help you understand how your marriage reached this point, examine what each of you has contributed, and consider what each possible direction would require. The goal is greater clarity and confidence—not to steer you toward staying married or divorcing.